DealingwithResistancePeopleusethephrase"overcomingresistance"asthoughresistanceordefensivenesswereanadversarytobewrestledtothegroundandsubdued."Overcomingresistance"wouldhaveyouusedataandlogicalargumentstowinthepointandconvincetheclient.Thereisnowayyoucantalkclientsoutoftheirresistance,becauseresistanceisanemotionalprocess.Behindtheresistancearecertainfeelings.Youcannottalkpeopleoutofhowtheyarefeeling.Therearespecificstepsaconsultantcantaketohelpaclientgetpasttheresistanceandgetonwithsolvingtheproblem.Thebasicstrategyistohelptheresistancetoblowitselfout,likeastorm,andnottofighttheresistancehead-on.Feelingspassandchangewhentheygetexpresseddirectly.Theskillfortheconsultantistoaskclientstoputdirectlyintowordswhattheclientisexperiencing.Toasktheclienttobeauthentic.Themosteffectivewaytoencouragetheclienttobeauthenticisfortheconsultanttoalsobehaveauthentically.That'sallthereistoit.Thiswayofdealingwithresistance—bynotfightingitheadon—hasaZenqualitytoit.Ifyoufighttheresistanceandfeelyouhavetoconquerit,allyouwilldoisintensifytheresistance.Ifaclientisobjectingtoyourmethodology(andhasbeendoingitformorethantenminutes)andyoukeepdefendingthemethod,citingreferences,andrecountingotherexperiences,theclientisgoingtogetevenmotefrustrated.Theclientislikelytobecomeevenmorecommittedtofindingholesinyourmethodthanhewaswhenthediscussionstarted.Thealternativetodefendingyourmethodistoask,4theclientmoreabouthisconcernsandtrytogettowhyyourmethodologyissoimportant.Gettingtheclienttotalkmoreabouthisconcernsishelpingthestormtopass.Defendingmethodologyiskeepingthestormalive.Trythislittleexercise.Putyourpalmstogetherinfrontofyourchest.Letyourrightarmbetheclient'sresistance.Letyourleftarmbeyourresponsetothatresistance.Moveyourrightarmandpalmhardtothelefthardagainstyourleftpalm.Nowhavetheleftarmandpalmpushatthesametime,hardtotheright.Ifyouholdthispositionthetwohands1staystuckrightinthemiddle,thestrainincreasesinbothyourarms,andyousoongettired.Thatiswhathappenswhenyoupushbackagainsttheresistance.Yougetstuck,thetensiongoesupandenergyisdrained.Nowputyourpalmstogetheragaininthesamestartingposition.MoveyourrightarmandpalmtothelefthardagainstSeeyourlefthand.Thistimeletyourlefthandgivein,sotherighthandkeepsmovingtotheleft.Atsomepointyourrighthandwillstop.Itwillhavepushedasfarasitcango.Ifyouholdthatendposition,youwillnoticethatyourrighthand,theresistance,getstiredanddropsofitsownweight.Thelefthand,yourresponsetotheresistance,allowstherighthandresistancetomovetoitsownends.Contactedbutunopposing,thelefthandcanmaintainitspositionwithnotensionandlittlelossofenergy.Thisisthewaytodealwithresistance—toencouragefullexpressionoftheconcernssothattheypass.Fightingresistance,tryingtoovercomeitwithargumentsanddata,doesn'tworkaswell.Rememberthatresistanceistheindirectexpressionofclientreservations.Thegoalistohelpthelinemanagerbeginstatingthereservationsdirectly,andstopthesubterfuge.Whentheclient'sconcernsarestateddirectly,theconsultantknowswhattherealissuesareandcanrespondeffectively.ThreeStepsTherearethreespecificstepsforhandlingresistance.Step1:Identifyinyourownmindwhatformtheresistanceistaking.Theskillistopickupthecuesfromthemanagerandthen,inyourhead,toputsomewordsonwhatyouseehappening.Step2:State,inaneutral,nonpunishingway,theformtheresistanceistaking.Thisiscalled"namingtheresistance."Theskillistofindtheneutrallanguage....
